Hello Patrick! I was very excited to read your first project submission! Your third paragraph is the strongest of your paper because it has the best balance of your viewpoint backed up by the literature. Getting to read some of your insight and dialogue was great because I think you have a unique writing voice. I also thought you did a great job writing a conclusion paragraph wrapping up you main ideas. One my of my questions in the first paragraph is this: What about the two story's religious viewpoints is different? May I suggest maybe removing that sentence, and focusing on the "love" theme that you conclude both stories to contain. That sentence alludes to you comparing and contrasting a religion theme, but the project is heavily focused on people's interpersonal relationships. Also, I would love to see more of your dialogue and less story summary in the first and second paragraphs because it would give us more a feel of the theme you are going for, while using the literature as more examples. Overall though, the project has solid evidence and I like the two stories you chose and the "love" theme. Great job Patrick!
Hi Patrick, I am very glad to have read your project work, it was very insightful. I liked how you had given a short summary on Tartuffe in the first paragraph, and your thesis is clear and precise. It is great that you have chosen to discuss the similarities and differences between Candide and Tartuffe since they do have quite a bit in common. The fact that you had mentioned the internal and external conflicts of the stories was brilliant, I had not thought about the stories in that aspect. Your last sentence about how those conflicts had benefitted the characters and provided a motivation was captivating. Your paragraphs are very well focused and had good evidence from the stories. The organization is great as well as the structure, and I liked how in the last paragraph you compared and contrasted the themes, but I think it would be better in the beginning of the paper. You did a fantastic job on your paper and I am looking forward to reading the final paper.Great work.
Hey Patrick! Good job on your first project submission! I noticed that you mentioned that there are different religious viewpoints, however something you may consider talking about if how religion is viewed and perhaps criticized in both works, as Tartuffe is clearly a hypocrite and Voltaire seems to mock certain religious sects by portraying Christians as selfish and also parodying the events at Lisbon where they put to death certain "sinners" in hopes that this will stop the natural disasters from occurring. I also agree with your take on the characters Candide and Orgon, as they both do share similarities in which they are both extremely trusting people and sometimes insensitive to other's plight, as Orgon at first didn't seem concerned with his wife's well being and Candide, at Lisbon, states Pangloss' teachings and believes that some good comes out of anything, even in a disaster that clearly had negative effects on people. Great work on your project and hope to see more!
Very nice job on the first submission! I enjoyed your thoughts in the literature. A quote from you that really stuck out to me was "The internal conflict he dealt with was him being to generous and too good of a person to the point where it actually hurt him." very true and a strong connection of the texts.
The introduction was a bit long when it came to summary. I would have liked to have seen more of your thoughts initially rather than a summary of the plots. I did like how easy it was to read though though. It did not feel tedious at all.
As I was reading I couldn't help but see your thoughts on "Dr. Pangloss eternal optimism or Mr. Martin’s cynicism." being a comparison to Orgon's maid's cynicism and his mothers optimism in regards to the validity of Tartuffe's character. The Maid obviously is very jaded and sees the man for a liar while the grandmother thinks him to be a glorious example of a godly man.
Hi Patrick! Your project is looking great! I was excited to read your project, since I did mine on "Tartuffe," too, but more from a woman's perspective and how women were viewed. You bring up a lot off great points and ideas, along with quotes to back it up. I found it a little similar when you were talking about how Tartuffe was confessing his feelings for Elmire and how Candide is in love with Cunegonde and kisses her; even Mariane and Volere are both in love with each other but cannot be together because of Orgon trying to marry off Mariane to Tartuffe. They are both in love with someone, yet both couples are broken up somehow. I also liked how you talked about Orgon being a good, decent guy, yet Tartuffe always takes advantage of him. Orgon even giving Tartuffe money, like you said, not just as a loan to be paid back later - Orgon was just giving him money! Yet here Orgon was, while everyone was "to watch Tartuffe play him like a guitar." Your choice of quotes is great, by the way! Great job!
Hey Patrick, good job on the project so far it's looking good. I think you did a great job on going in depth about the story giving background. I don't remember if I had read these stories myself yet so it really helped put things into perspective and give me an idea about what the stories are about. the quotes you used went well with your project. The only thing that I think should be added is maybe stating the arguement and themes at the start of the first paragraph. I was a bit confused at first but then after reading all of it I was able to see the theme and arguement. Other than that the project looks great. Everything flowed well and it was cool to see that you added a brief history of the author's.Overall nice job Patrick and keep up the good work I look forward to reading further pages added to your project.
Hi Patrick! I really liked your project, I found it interesting to read and easy to follow the points you made. I think your introduction was great, having a little background on the author and his work was helpful in understanding your argument. You backed up your claims really well by providing examples from the book as evidence for what you were saying and I liked that you made sure to give readers an understanding of what was happening in the story concerning Elmire’s character. However, I do think that you might have put a little too much summary compared to explaining how events that took place really demonstrated Moliere’s feminism. I also was curious when you said “Orgon looked at Elmire as an equal, not someone that was inferior” and I wish a clear example to back this statement up had been included. Everything else was explained well, though, and I think you did a great job.
Hey Patrick, Great job! I love that you chose two different stories to analyze. You did a great job with giving your readers background on both stories, however, maybe making your argument a little clearer in the beginning will make your project stronger. I could clearly see the contrast between both stories but was not sure of your main argument between the two. Hope that makes sense. For example, you did this when you described the external and internal conflict of both men and the argument was “Without these conflicts, the characters would not have had their drive to find or protect their companions.” So maybe adding in the beginning how you will show “that despite the differences in these stories in the end both men showed character, not to mention that the theme of love was seen in both stories.” That way your reader knows exactly what to expect (the argument) while reading the differences of both stories. I really enjoyed reading.
Hey patrick, I realize that you haven't made a label for your second comment wall but I just wanted to write my response towards it as i just read it. I found it interesting the way you introduced your thesis as you used a quote from Ben Franklin on how he stated that death was an inevitable aspect in life. I also liked your thesis as you identified how similar both the authors Dickenson and Ghalib were in their approach towards death and how both of them used personification to convey that approach. You did well to use quotations from Dickenson's poems which proved that death is personified and you also did well to analyze each word of the quotations to show what they mean. For Ghalib, you did well by using embedded quotations on how he views death as an individual that took his dear Arif away from him. I also liked that you pointed out the similarity that both authors refer to death as "He" meaning that death was a man in their poems. Overall, you did well by proving that both authors share the idea that death is unavoidable.
HI Patrick, your Project 2 was very good and I could not find another comment wall so I just placed it here. After reading your project I saw that you had kind of a pre introductory paragraph talking about the concept or idea of death and how the two poets you chose talk about it in their poems. I believe your thesis surrounds how death is portrayed by the poets in their work, and it is greatly supported in the body paragraphs. I found it highly interesting that you began your first paragraph with a quote, and I have to say it fit perfectly in your paper since it gives the reader a preview of what your paper is about. I liked how you give a brief summary about the two authors since it helps the readers know what their background is. You provide fantastic evidence pertaining to your topic of death, and I especially liked how you mentioned Emily Dickinson's fascination about death. However one small thing that I would suggest is taking out the reference to Gilgamesh since it was a bit confusing on which stories you were going to talk about, though that is just my opinion. Regardless you did a marvelous job in your paper and I really enjoyed reading it.
Hey Patrick! I think you did a great job on your second project, especially in finding two poems/stories that have similar themes! I also think that you did a great job describing both stories and their relationship with Death and finding quotes to support your statements and observation. One thing I would say is that the part where you talk about Gilgamesh in the beginning could be omitted as it could throw readers off or confuse them as it isn't related to both works you are using. Besides that, I think the paper is quite well written and flows nicely! Great work and can't wait to see more from you!
Hi Patrick, Excellent job with your second project! It flowed very well and I enjoyed reading your thoughts. Your first paragraph introduces your topic really well and you did a great job of bringing in other sources to tie everything together. In the body of your essay you did a great job using quotes; they flow nicely in your sentences and you explained why you chose these specific quotes. They enhanced your points greatly. I really don’t have much critique for you, nothing stood out as distracting or incorrect. You did an excellent job bringing two poets, whose poems did not have much in common, together and comparing their technique similarities. I also enjoyed how you brought in modern day personification of death in our use of the Grim Reaper. We could also see an example in the Angel of Death, and I think you are correct in saying these personifications help people cope with the idea of death. Great job!!
Hi Patrick. Your second project was great to read. I also wrote about Emily Dickinson. I've found her poems rather fascinating and oddly joyous to read. I also found, like you, that she wrote about death often, so it was great to read your thoughts about her work. I liked how you wrote that death has no haste, and it doesn't come quickly in life; it comes when the time is ready. I also liked how you said that they write about death as if it were a person. That wasn't something I had thought of but can definitely agree with. Great job on your project and giving me more insight and perspective on Dickinson's writing.
HI Patrick! I thoroughly enjoyed reading your second project submission! You had great transitions, great use of quotes, great explanations, and I could easily understand what your argument was: "Dickson and Ghalib both use personification to talk about the acceptance of death". I agree that death is unavoidable and that people will experience it somehow but it is everywhere and frankly speaking, there's no escaping it. We can see through the personification of death, the author's have this certain acceptance that is hard to come by. I really liked your opening introduction because it really grabbed my attention and made me want to continue reading your submission. Honestly, I do not really see any little mistakes or things that need changing. I can tell that you took your time in making sure everything was well put together in this project submission. Overall, you did an amazing job at analyzing, summarizing, transitions, and more. Keep up the great work. I can't wait to read more of your work. Great job!
Hello Patrick!
ReplyDeleteI was very excited to read your first project submission! Your third paragraph is the strongest of your paper because it has the best balance of your viewpoint backed up by the literature. Getting to read some of your insight and dialogue was great because I think you have a unique writing voice. I also thought you did a great job writing a conclusion paragraph wrapping up you main ideas. One my of my questions in the first paragraph is this: What about the two story's religious viewpoints is different? May I suggest maybe removing that sentence, and focusing on the "love" theme that you conclude both stories to contain. That sentence alludes to you comparing and contrasting a religion theme, but the project is heavily focused on people's interpersonal relationships. Also, I would love to see more of your dialogue and less story summary in the first and second paragraphs because it would give us more a feel of the theme you are going for, while using the literature as more examples. Overall though, the project has solid evidence and I like the two stories you chose and the "love" theme. Great job Patrick!
Hi Patrick, I am very glad to have read your project work, it was very insightful. I liked how you had given a short summary on Tartuffe in the first paragraph, and your thesis is clear and precise. It is great that you have chosen to discuss the similarities and differences between Candide and Tartuffe since they do have quite a bit in common. The fact that you had mentioned the internal and external conflicts of the stories was brilliant, I had not thought about the stories in that aspect. Your last sentence about how those conflicts had benefitted the characters and provided a motivation was captivating. Your paragraphs are very well focused and had good evidence from the stories. The organization is great as well as the structure, and I liked how in the last paragraph you compared and contrasted the themes, but I think it would be better in the beginning of the paper. You did a fantastic job on your paper and I am looking forward to reading the final paper.Great work.
ReplyDeleteHey Patrick!
ReplyDeleteGood job on your first project submission! I noticed that you mentioned that there are different religious viewpoints, however something you may consider talking about if how religion is viewed and perhaps criticized in both works, as Tartuffe is clearly a hypocrite and Voltaire seems to mock certain religious sects by portraying Christians as selfish and also parodying the events at Lisbon where they put to death certain "sinners" in hopes that this will stop the natural disasters from occurring. I also agree with your take on the characters Candide and Orgon, as they both do share similarities in which they are both extremely trusting people and sometimes insensitive to other's plight, as Orgon at first didn't seem concerned with his wife's well being and Candide, at Lisbon, states Pangloss' teachings and believes that some good comes out of anything, even in a disaster that clearly had negative effects on people. Great work on your project and hope to see more!
Very nice job on the first submission! I enjoyed your thoughts in the literature. A quote from you that really stuck out to me was "The internal conflict he dealt with was him being to generous and too good of a person to the point where it actually hurt him." very true and a strong connection of the texts.
ReplyDeleteThe introduction was a bit long when it came to summary. I would have liked to have seen more of your thoughts initially rather than a summary of the plots. I did like how easy it was to read though though. It did not feel tedious at all.
As I was reading I couldn't help but see your thoughts on "Dr. Pangloss eternal optimism or Mr. Martin’s cynicism." being a comparison to Orgon's maid's cynicism and his mothers optimism in regards to the validity of Tartuffe's character. The Maid obviously is very jaded and sees the man for a liar while the grandmother thinks him to be a glorious example of a godly man.
Hi Patrick!
ReplyDeleteYour project is looking great! I was excited to read your project, since I did mine on "Tartuffe," too, but more from a woman's perspective and how women were viewed. You bring up a lot off great points and ideas, along with quotes to back it up. I found it a little similar when you were talking about how Tartuffe was confessing his feelings for Elmire and how Candide is in love with Cunegonde and kisses her; even Mariane and Volere are both in love with each other but cannot be together because of Orgon trying to marry off Mariane to Tartuffe. They are both in love with someone, yet both couples are broken up somehow. I also liked how you talked about Orgon being a good, decent guy, yet Tartuffe always takes advantage of him. Orgon even giving Tartuffe money, like you said, not just as a loan to be paid back later - Orgon was just giving him money! Yet here Orgon was, while everyone was "to watch Tartuffe play him like a guitar." Your choice of quotes is great, by the way! Great job!
Hey Patrick, good job on the project so far it's looking good. I think you did a great job on going in depth about the story giving background. I don't remember if I had read these stories myself yet so it really helped put things into perspective and give me an idea about what the stories are about. the quotes you used went well with your project. The only thing that I think should be added is maybe stating the arguement and themes at the start of the first paragraph. I was a bit confused at first but then after reading all of it I was able to see the theme and arguement. Other than that the project looks great. Everything flowed well and it was cool to see that you added a brief history of the author's.Overall nice job Patrick and keep up the good work I look forward to reading further pages added to your project.
ReplyDeleteHi Patrick!
ReplyDeleteI really liked your project, I found it interesting to read and easy to follow the points you made. I think your introduction was great, having a little background on the author and his work was helpful in understanding your argument. You backed up your claims really well by providing examples from the book as evidence for what you were saying and I liked that you made sure to give readers an understanding of what was happening in the story concerning Elmire’s character. However, I do think that you might have put a little too much summary compared to explaining how events that took place really demonstrated Moliere’s feminism. I also was curious when you said “Orgon looked at Elmire as an equal, not someone that was inferior” and I wish a clear example to back this statement up had been included. Everything else was explained well, though, and I think you did a great job.
Hey Patrick,
ReplyDeleteGreat job! I love that you chose two different stories to analyze. You did a great job with giving your readers background on both stories, however, maybe making your argument a little clearer in the beginning will make your project stronger. I could clearly see the contrast between both stories but was not sure of your main argument between the two. Hope that makes sense. For example, you did this when you described the external and internal conflict of both men and the argument was “Without these conflicts, the characters would not have had their drive to find or protect their companions.” So maybe adding in the beginning how you will show “that despite the differences in these stories in the end both men showed character, not to mention that the theme of love was seen in both stories.” That way your reader knows exactly what to expect (the argument) while reading the differences of both stories. I really enjoyed reading.
Hey patrick, I realize that you haven't made a label for your second comment wall but I just wanted to write my response towards it as i just read it. I found it interesting the way you introduced your thesis as you used a quote from Ben Franklin on how he stated that death was an inevitable aspect in life. I also liked your thesis as you identified how similar both the authors Dickenson and Ghalib were in their approach towards death and how both of them used personification to convey that approach. You did well to use quotations from Dickenson's poems which proved that death is personified and you also did well to analyze each word of the quotations to show what they mean. For Ghalib, you did well by using embedded quotations on how he views death as an individual that took his dear Arif away from him. I also liked that you pointed out the similarity that both authors refer to death as "He" meaning that death was a man in their poems. Overall, you did well by proving that both authors share the idea that death is unavoidable.
ReplyDeleteHI Patrick, your Project 2 was very good and I could not find another comment wall so I just placed it here. After reading your project I saw that you had kind of a pre introductory paragraph talking about the concept or idea of death and how the two poets you chose talk about it in their poems. I believe your thesis surrounds how death is portrayed by the poets in their work, and it is greatly supported in the body paragraphs. I found it highly interesting that you began your first paragraph with a quote, and I have to say it fit perfectly in your paper since it gives the reader a preview of what your paper is about. I liked how you give a brief summary about the two authors since it helps the readers know what their background is. You provide fantastic evidence pertaining to your topic of death, and I especially liked how you mentioned Emily Dickinson's fascination about death. However one small thing that I would suggest is taking out the reference to Gilgamesh since it was a bit confusing on which stories you were going to talk about, though that is just my opinion. Regardless you did a marvelous job in your paper and I really enjoyed reading it.
ReplyDeleteHey Patrick!
ReplyDeleteI think you did a great job on your second project, especially in finding two poems/stories that have similar themes! I also think that you did a great job describing both stories and their relationship with Death and finding quotes to support your statements and observation. One thing I would say is that the part where you talk about Gilgamesh in the beginning could be omitted as it could throw readers off or confuse them as it isn't related to both works you are using. Besides that, I think the paper is quite well written and flows nicely! Great work and can't wait to see more from you!
Hi Patrick,
ReplyDeleteExcellent job with your second project! It flowed very well and I enjoyed reading your thoughts. Your first paragraph introduces your topic really well and you did a great job of bringing in other sources to tie everything together. In the body of your essay you did a great job using quotes; they flow nicely in your sentences and you explained why you chose these specific quotes. They enhanced your points greatly. I really don’t have much critique for you, nothing stood out as distracting or incorrect. You did an excellent job bringing two poets, whose poems did not have much in common, together and comparing their technique similarities. I also enjoyed how you brought in modern day personification of death in our use of the Grim Reaper. We could also see an example in the Angel of Death, and I think you are correct in saying these personifications help people cope with the idea of death. Great job!!
Hi Patrick. Your second project was great to read. I also wrote about Emily Dickinson. I've found her poems rather fascinating and oddly joyous to read. I also found, like you, that she wrote about death often, so it was great to read your thoughts about her work. I liked how you wrote that death has no haste, and it doesn't come quickly in life; it comes when the time is ready. I also liked how you said that they write about death as if it were a person. That wasn't something I had thought of but can definitely agree with. Great job on your project and giving me more insight and perspective on Dickinson's writing.
ReplyDeleteHI Patrick! I thoroughly enjoyed reading your second project submission! You had great transitions, great use of quotes, great explanations, and I could easily understand what your argument was: "Dickson and Ghalib both use personification to talk about the acceptance of death". I agree that death is unavoidable and that people will experience it somehow but it is everywhere and frankly speaking, there's no escaping it. We can see through the personification of death, the author's have this certain acceptance that is hard to come by. I really liked your opening introduction because it really grabbed my attention and made me want to continue reading your submission. Honestly, I do not really see any little mistakes or things that need changing. I can tell that you took your time in making sure everything was well put together in this project submission. Overall, you did an amazing job at analyzing, summarizing, transitions, and more. Keep up the great work. I can't wait to read more of your work. Great job!
ReplyDelete